The paper was dancing on the table. Legs crossed, she sat on the sofa and conducted it with her wand, a mix of boredom and anger burnt into her face. It was getting half past ten. Darkness had arrived outside. It had been another day without rain, similar to the day before. He hadn’t let her touch him ever since – and her parents seemed to have missed it.
They sat next to her like on Sunday evening. Wordless, they watched her playing with the sheet. The garden-side living room window stood open, ready for him to get back. Apparating around the house would be too obvious. They had had supper without him. Just when they had wanted to start, he had been called for the meeting he had feared. Two days before they would have moved Harry. Just like he had feared. With every minute in silence, the ticking of the clock on the wall got louder. Louder. And louder. And even more loud. Then the paper sank onto the table. She had heard something. Felt something.
The curtains wavered and black fog appeared halfway through the living room, all eyes on it. He rushed on, landed almost on the other side of the room and materialised just before he slid down; his back pressed against the wall; next to the other window. His expression was empty, but there was rage and despair in the depth of his dark eyes – and blood on his hands. Hermione jumped up and hurried over to him.
“Severus – ”, she aspirated, her own hands on his arms, but he looked past her, not seeming to feel her touch. “What happened? Can you hear me? C-can you see me?”, he just lowered his head, squinting his eyes. “Severus.”, her parents had arrived at her sides, shocked to see blood on him again. “Talk to me. Have you told him? How did he react?”, he took a deep breath. “What happened?”
“’E – ”, a faint whisper left him.
“What did he do?”, Hermione moaned equally quiet, her eyes on something golden that glistened through the blood on his right hand; he looked as though he didn’t ever want to answer her question, but his body gave in to it.
“’Twas a trap – tha whole meetin’ – was jus’ designed ter – tes’ me loyalty – I – I couldn’ ’elp – I – it would ’ave – given me away – would ’ave – I’d ’ave risked ’is life even more – ”
“So you told him?”, she curled her lips and sank onto her feet.
“O’ course I did!”, he bellowed, or so she thought, yet a second after she realised it had been a mere whisper.
“And did he believe you?”
“Yes.”
“So they will chase Harry.”
“Tha’s never been ou’ o’ question,”
“But you knew that – so – what exactly – and whose blood – ”
“I told ’er ter leave – told ’er ter leave tha country – righ’ when ’e said both Carrows should be teachers. I knew who’d ’ave ter step aside. She lef’ – bu’ – ’e tracked ’er down – t-tortured ’er – she mus’ ’ave screamed all tha time – tha’ I was ’er – ”, she had no idea why his chuckle was suddenly amused, if though only for a moment, “’Er friend – an’ tha’ – killin’ ’Dumbledore – was no’ like me; she – never understoo’ – I’d ’ave ter go – tha’ far – as far as ter – she – ’e ’ad ’er ’angin’ there from tha beginnin’ – an’ sum’when throughou’ tha meetin’, ’e levitated ’er across tha table – righ’ pas’ Draco – righ’ ter tha middle o’ tha table – ”
“Who, Severus? Who?”, Hermione demanded, the horrible truth already sinking in when she recognised the ring and her brain began combining his muttering that switched back and forth between horror and loathing.
“She begged me fer ’elpin’ ’er – bu’ I – couldn’ – I couldn’ give meself away – oh god I – I did wha’ I ever did – ’e was so pleased – so sickly pleased when ’e saw tha’ I din’ – even wince a bi’ – tha’ it seemed no’ t-ter touch me at all – tha’ I mean’ ter provide Hogwarts an example o’ wha’ it means ter disobey – ”
“Severus – ”
“Ye know, I’m – I’m r-really – glad – tha’ ’e killed ’er before – ”
“Severus – ”
“’E fed ’er – ter – ”
“What?”
“Fed ’er ter Nagini – ”, he swallowed, his eyes blinking heavily into space, “In fron’ o’ – everyone – righ’ on tha table – Draco was – ’orrified – ’e was so visibly close ter collapse – bu’ ’e din’ move – no’ at all – ”
“Look at me!”, she yelled that her parents jumped away from her; he slowly turned his head. “Who.”, she added calm, looking deeply into his eyes, though unwilling to hear it.
“Charity.”
She nevertheless clapped a hand on her mouth, tears coming on the confirmation. At last, he started crying as well. Hermione just leant forward, taking him into her arms. His head fell against hers, yet very hesitantly, as he wept bitterly.
“Why’s it – always – t-those – w-who do – n-nuthin’ wron’! Why punishin’ ’em fer me mistakes – ”
“Who was Charity?”, Miranda asked, her hand on her heart.
“One of his – best friends.”, Hermione chuckled through her own crying, but she noticed Severus wince. “She taught Muggle Studies.”
“Like Quirinus.”, Severus snarled. “Like William. Like – an’ – ’e killed ’em all! Jus’ mea’! Nuthin’ bu’ mea’! ’E deserves no other fa’e than ’is soddin’ soul bein’ torn apar’!”
~~#~~
Friday’s breakfast had passed without words. Hermione had given him some drops of Sleeping Potion so he could rest without having nightmares of the meeting. Her parents had left for London. Rain was falling again, wetting the scarce grass and exhausted bushes outside. Now the two just sat at the table, the used dishes still around. In between, their wands and hands, slack fingers embracing. His were cold. She couldn’t remember them to have been cold ever before. Also it felt like he wore some invisible, repellent gloves. Touching his fingers didn’t feel like touching.
“I asked you to remind me.”, he said softly after an hour in silence and thoughts; which he had mostly spent with turning Charity’s golden ring around his finger; making her startle slightly. “There is something I need to give to you.”
He pulled his hand from her grip and got the pouch from beneath his pyjamas, but in spite of now holding the tiny bag instead, it didn’t change what she not felt on her hand. Hermione’s eyes gaped with interest when he placed another drawstring bag like it on the table, only that one was bigger. It was made from various kinds of old looking purple and lavender fabric stitched together, each embroidered with blue or orange strings and some beads sewn in between. A beaded bobble was attached at the bottom and the cords of a dark, bluish lilac for closing it ended in some more purple beads Somehow it looked like it could have been made by Luna, on one of her less crazy days.
Behind it, he built a wall of flasks, bottles and glasses filled with different potions and ingredients – and some glasses of salt and sugar and herbs and spices for drinking and cooking purpose – a fine number of tins, pickle, flour, a sack of potatoes, a ton of crisp bread, muesli for a month and what appeared to be the biggest amount of apples the table had ever met with. He really had considered the journey that lied ahead her much more than she had. While she had worried about what lecture would be great to use for solving tricky situations and clothes for every weather without needing to hire a number of Sherpas, he had concentrated on things that couldn’t be cared for with magic actually. Because, now that she thought about it again, she could just enlarge a thick rug to the size of a proper tent and transfigure leaves to such things as beds and laundry, if she couldn’t manage to get hold of the Weasleys’ tent.
“I don’t reckon, you discovered the spell yet?”, she shook her head in honesty. “Well, then you will learn it now. But beware – it isn’t easy to get the details right.”, he summoned some plastic bags from a kitchen drawer. “You will first try to make it work properly on at least three of those, before I can let you try on the pouch. You have the whole day. But by tomorrow you must leave. Your parents will be home when tomorrow?”
“For five o’clock tea. Enough time for me to say goodbye.”
“Good. They won’t be safe here, you know that. Once the Ministry is down, they will be tracked. And killed.”, she curled her lips when he did. “That mustn’t happen.”
“I know.”, Hermione swallowed, whether it was due to the awareness of what was going to happen sinking in or because she didn’t get how he could just move forward strictly focused after having lost someone so close.
“This will ask the most of you, I am aware of that. But – ”
“What shall I do?”
“They will be tortured and killed for the mere fact of being your parents.”, he took a deep breath. “They cannot be your parents any longer.”
“I am not – ”, she slightly shook her head, figuring. “No. No! I am not going to – I won’t – ”
“Listen, Hermione.”, he grabbed her hand with both of his in a flash, causing her to gasp from the surprise, yet more because the invisible barrier appeared to have vanished and the touch set her heart on fire, instantly melting her lungs to a lump. “They need to be safe. You must make them forget that they are your parents. They must forget their identity and – they must desire to live far away. Far, far, far away from here. The other side of the world, if possible. They have to take everything from this house with them. I already confunded people at a relocation service to arrive by seven o’clock and follow their orders to bring the stuff to the airport and onto whichever plane they booked. They must be on the plane by midnight.”
If he had already confunded a number of workers to arrive by a specific time, why had he even asked when her parents would come home? What if she had provided him a time beyond that limit? It confused her, but the confusion was not enough to shrink the growing knot in her throat, however, not by her still burning heart, but by the certainty that she would have to erase her whole existence from her parents’ minds. How could he possibly believe her to be able to do that? She knew she could do it, but he was talking about her parents, no less! She was to erase her own origin, to destroy her identity, to wipe herself from the memories of the very people who had given birth to her – who had created her by their love – it would practically mean killing herself while still living on!
“No.”, she moaned, close to tears, still shaking her head.
“Do you want to save them or not?”, he urged. “I know you can do that. I know you are able to alter their memories in such a way. Ban your existence from their heads – from this houses – from everywhere in this village, before you go to the Portkey.”
“Why can’t you do that as well?”, she knew the answer already.
“Because they are your parents and you know their memories better and therefore also know better how to restore them once this war is over. Hermione. If I had been given any chance – any foresight – any single way to save my parents from dying – I would have given everything. It is in your hands. Take that chance. Grab it now. You only have that one.”
“I – how long will you stay?”
“Only for breakfast. Then I have to make sure to get the Malfoys out of the way. That might take me the entire day, so I unfortunately cannot assist you. Hermione, I just want the best for you and your parents. So please – ”
Voices were ringing in her head as he spoke and long after. This must be kept a secret as long as it takes Harry to become more powerful than that wand..If you truly love, you will have to abandon. Abandon. How charming. Coward. Her own voice now. You cannot kill my queen! As a matter of fact, I can.. Luck? Slughorn’s chuckle. That was great talent, Miss Granger presented us with!..My parents are dead, Professor. I wouldn’t mind some booze so I could raise my glass on them.. That is kind of you. But you don’t need to worry about me. Vervain. Vervain.. If you truly love, you will have to abandon.. such a cruel line. She still couldn’t believe how he could have ever made it his philosophy.
They are always with me..always..always..always with me.. Did you ever jump into water? Only as a child.. As a child, I used to sleep on roofs in summer.. I was free.. I was free as a bird.. Our friendship was breaking every unwritten rule.. No one must know..it is crucial.. This is war, Hermione..If you truly love, you will have to abandon.. For a greater good.. Why did you do that? Why did you – Save your arse? Maybe because I’m your friend and believe you would do the same?.. You think she’d be more relaxed if she knew you have sex with Snape?.. So something’s going to happen?..Yes..Something horrible?..Yes..But it’s part of a plan? Dumbledore’s plan?..Yes. But I’m not allowed to tell. No one must know..Speak to no one.. I can’t be involved with you anymore. We’ve got to stop seeing each other.. He had broken up. He had broken up with her to save her. If you truly love, you will have to abandon. If you truly love..abandon..abandon..let go..let –
“Okay.”, she aspirated, still curling her lips. “I – I’ll do it.”
~~#~~
His cloak fluttered around the corner. Time was rare. And the time that was, was merciless. Tick-tock, tick-tock. He was merciless. He was – that would be too bad even considering it. But he – was the only one who could give time now.
The cloak still waved when he stopped in the middle of the empty hall, facing the high windows he had cleaned some days ago. The rain had stained them again, but the same sun was shining in. Midday sun. Tick-tock. The old pendulum clock at the wall. Tick-tock. Time was running. He swallowed down the taste of the toothpaste.
Tick-tock, tick-tock. He pulled his wand and put it into his other sleeve. Then he unbuttoned the left and pushed it back, staring at the black lines, forming a long snake that wound out of a skull. His look was confident. It had to be confident. Especially since he wanted nothing but drilling his fingers into those red eyes to see them become redder than ever, to hear that one scream of agony that might remain a sole desire. Shortly closing his own eyes, he concentrated and laid his flat hand on the Mark. There was a rushing sound behind. Quiet bare feet. A cloak coming to rest. He buttoned his shirt and robe again, not turning an inch as the pale snake-like face came moving around him with a confused but hateful sneer.
“Why?”, he hissed very low. “Why you? Why do you call me at the eleventh hour, Severus? Not so sure about the date anymore?”
“Date and time are clear, my Lord. It is settled. Today, at nightfall.”
“So why then, Severus?”
“It is the Malfoys I would like to speak to you about, my Lord.”
“The – what about the owners of this noble, yet withering house?”, they stood face to face, blank eyes meeting.
“You still need them.”
“Oh yes, I probably might.”, the sarcasm was almost touchable.
“Then be wise.”
“You question my wisdom, Severus? Mine? You question the Dark Lord’s wisdom? You? So much younger than me?”
“In this particular case, yes. You cannot possibly be foolish enough meaning them to take part in the chase. They would ruin everything, my Lord. They are too weak for fighting these days.”
“Ah – there certainly is some truth to these words, yes.”, his anger about his point of view being minor, visibly vanished. “I have seen them becoming weaker and weaker. What is it that you – request?”
“Not a request. Only a decision that benefits you. Keep in mind, my Lord, that the boy is well protected. Tonight’s endeavour will not be an easy one. Do not be too sure of yourself. The best fighters of the Order will guard him.”
“So you expect me to fail, Severus? You do question my abilities? As well?”
“Of course not, my Lord.”, he continued calmly. “Neither. But you must recall, that attacking him in such ways has failed several times in the past. You would rather have another ace in the hole. The Malfoys are excellent fighters, just not at the present moment. Grant them recovery. Allow me to bring them away from this house. This house makes them sick. They must regain strength, but they cannot do that within these walls. The only way I see for you to kill the boy is to unleash our full forces on our enemies.”
“Meaning?”
“There has to be a battle somewhen; I am afraid, this is unavoidable. I unfortunately see too much valuable and pure blood spilt, but I can not think of another supposedly effective way that has not failed already, and if it was only in the planning state. I ensure you, no blood will be wasted in the end; the cause will be of such a scale you would not be able to imagine the actual result in your wildest assumptions, or even be able to believe. But in order to end this frustrating campaign, you will have to let the armies clash. The distraction will be your chance to walk straight through and finish it once and for all. Yet for said battle, all three of them would be needed to fight. For the victory in such a battle, skills like theirs are not expendable. Tonight, I am afraid, we will only get to weaken our opponents.”
“I do not know why,”, Voldemort murmured, “But you have an extraordinary talent to persuade me, Severus.”
“I feel honoured to hear that, my Lord, though you must see that it is not at all my intention to persuade or influence you in any way, but to provide advice you then may consider in whichever manner preferable.”
“And again I see the truth speaking from your eyes.”, he raised the corner of his lipless mouth. “You truly are a clever mind, Severus, yes. So you wish me to let you – take them away?”
“I do not wish. I merely suggest myself to get them out of your way so you need not looking at their pitiful wrecks until they are back at their best.”
“Very well, Severus. You may do whatever you think is necessary. But – ”, he put on a pathetic grimace, much like Bellatrix Lestrange would have and continued with a flat, hissing moan, “Just don’t take too long.”, his look was straight and cold again. “I await your punctuality.”
A fluttering noise, a whirl of black clothes and pale skin and he was gone. For a moment, Severus stared at the spot where his eyes had been, so close but yet too far away to crush. Then he took a deep breath, put his wand into its respective sleeve and walked back to the door, pulling a plastic bag from his pocket. At the door he stopped and held it to the left, but spoke to the staircase instead.
“Don’t vomit inside, Draco. It has got an undetectable extension charm on. You will never be able to clean it and I only have three at the moment. Pack your things in there rather. We are going on vacation.”
“You – ”
“You never learn how to eavesdrop without being noticed, do you?”, Severus rolled his eyes.
“I – ”
“Stop trying to find words. Pack. There isn’t much time.”
“My parents – ”
“Are in the kitchen, I know.”
Still bewildered, Draco took the yellow plastic bag and hurried to his room, throwing a glance after Severus who went downstairs.
“Draco – who is it? Who came? Why was he summoned?”, Lucius aspirated, half turning around.
“It isn’t Draco.”, Narcissa gasped. “You are back again? What – ”, now Lucius completed his turn.
“Severus – ”
“Hello.”, he frowned. “It seems, I missed the party?”
“A rather pathetic one.”, Lucius chuckled limply to his already empty plate. “Where is Draco?”
“Packing.”
“P-?”
“Since you have noticed that I called for him – ”
“Yes, I did. Why?”
“He has permitted me to take you away from here, to a better place. You will not take part in the chase today.”, while Lucius seemed confused, Narcissa nearly collapsed into her chair with relief.
“B-better place?”
“Away from this death-reeking house.”
“How did you make him – ”, Narcissa started but broke off when he gave her an unambiguous smile. “Thank you.”, she jumped up and cleaned the kitchen with a wave of her wand, “Come, Lucius. We pack.”, and helped her husband to his feet.
“What is this?”, Lucius leant on the walking stick he had magically glued the silver snake head to after Voldemort had snapped off the wand and stared at the red and black bags Severus offered them.
“Forgive me, that is the only thing I could get quickly when I was buying food.”, he lied. “They hold an undetectable extension charm. Put your things in there. And quicker than my mother did. I’m not so sure whether he doesn’t come back to tell me he’s changed his mind.”
“For how long will we be off?”
“At least a month, I’d say.”
“A – month?”
“Or however long you need to stay away from here.”, Narcissa took the bags from him. “Come on.”
Severus laid his hand on Lucius’ shoulder and they flew upstairs in a big mass of black fog. He dropped them in front of their room and went over to Draco’s. The boy already sat on his bed, his hair combed and the slim, black suit adjusted. In his hands, the seeming slightly filled bag and his wand. Severus raised an eyebrow. He had totally emptied out the big room, leaving only the furniture. Even the blanket and pillows were gone from the four-poster and the fluffy old carpet he had known to lie on the floor beside had vanished as well. When he entered, Draco gazed up at him, looking tired but ready. Severus let his eyes drift through the room again, stopping at the single high window in it.
“Where will we go?”, Draco had stood up.
“You will see.”, he offered his arm and escorted the boy out, the hand gently resting against his back as they walked over to his parents’ room.
“Narcissa’s in the bathroom.”, Lucius mumbled to them, still packing. “Oh – and back already.”
“I got everything. Lucius?”
“Second – ”, he limped over to a shelf and took out some books. “Now we can go.”
“We need to leave the grounds walking before we can Apparate. Otherwise he will know where we go.”, Severus told them when they went back downstairs.
Striding past two white peacocks, they approached the huge iron gate, the sun shining on their heads, disappearing behind some clouds though every few feet they covered. Severus waved his wand and they walked straight through the gate, the bars and spirals firmly moving back into place when they had passed. Lucius was the only one who looked back to the high, sharp roofs and rows of windows, many of them hidden behind neat, tall, green hedges. Wands and knotted bags and the walking stick clutched tight, they tried to hold on to each other’s hands. Then they were gone silently.
A dramatic change of air. Clean. Moist. Green mountains rising evenly around the wide lake banks of little stones reaching flatly into the nearly plain, mirroring water. The soft cool breeze created small waves on the surface, a cloud-hung sky above them. Severus let go and walked a little ahead. With interest, they watched him fly in a very wide circle over the water, the shore, around a deserted but intact house, over some trees farther away and back to the water, accompanied by humming noises of the shields and repelling spells he cast. Only the breeze was left again, when he landed in front of the wooden two-storey house with veranda. It was standing offside the pebble beach in short grass, never reached by the tide in the sea loch. He waited for the Malfoys to join him before he unlocked the door.
They entered a fairly big living room with a fireplace, small table, sitting room suite and some empty shelves. Right in front of the door was the staircase to the upper floor and to its right, the kitchen. There was also a laundry room under the stairs which they would discover later. He led them upstairs. The house had a bathroom with tub, separate shower, basin, mirror and toilet. A wooden stool stood next to the tub. The inlet came directly from the crystal clear lake and the main pipe for hot water ran through beneath the fireplace. Sewage was no problem either, after all it had been a wizard’s and witch’s house. Two more rooms were upstairs: a bedroom with a large double bed and two wardrobes, as well as a study room, formerly holding a desk and shelves. Severus had exchanged the furniture in the latter with another wardrobe, two beds and nightstands in between them.
“Make yourselves at home.”, Severus smiled, all four of them back in the upper corridor. “I will fill the fridge in the meantime.”
Draco dropped the bag and wand on the left, wall-side bed and walked over to the windows. He pushed the soft green curtains away and opened the old frames, letting some fresh air in. From his room, he had a fair view along the beach. Standing at the front window, his pale, rather grey than blue eyes with dark rings around drifted over the lake and mountains, stunned by the beauty of the sight. The gentle wind sweeping in, brushed through the strands of light blond hair which was combed neatly to the side. His head turned to the bag, then the rest of his body. Giving the lake another glance, he went back to it and peered inside. Deep down, his books and clothes laid in a mess, all carelessly thrown in. The moment he saw that, he regretted the haste. A little annoyed, he dropped it and took his wand. His left hand glided over the thick hawthorn wood.
Letting out a sigh, he spun it to summon some of his clothes from of the bag, which he hung into the wardrobe, using the right side only. On the top board, he placed his shirts and underwear he had to re-fold. The shoes went below. He raised, closed the doors and startled.
“You can have the whole, if you need it. My luggage is a little better sorted than yours.”, due to his pale skin, the blush on Draco’s face could be spotted easily.
“I – don’t really need much more space,”
“I got used to live from my pouch already. It is better for me this way than unpacking, sorting in and packing again.”, Draco nodded sadly.
“I hope you don’t mind that I – ”
“It doesn’t really matter to me which bed I take.”
Draco shuffled to his chosen bed and sat down, Severus taking a seat on his own bed. They just sat there and stared at each other for about a minute.
“How is Pansy doing?”
“We broke up.”
“I am sorry to hear.”
“No need. We had too many differences.”
“Why don’t you admit that you didn’t want to pull her into this whole thing?”, Severus said calm and Draco looked away, curling his lips. “It is not a sin to care. After all, she did care for you very much.”
“But she would have gone even further.”, Draco whispered. “My aunt’s enough. I don’t need another woman like this in my life.”
“You think, that Pansy has the potential to become like Bellatrix?”
“You never know first what that Mark does to you, do you?”, he still looked away.
“No, you don’t. But I was aware of what I would have to do. I knew what was ahead of me. Or at least, almost.”
“How can you do that? How can you be so cold? I mean, it was the only reason I didn’t run away. You – somehow – stunned me – with that disregard of yours. I know you were good friends – I’ve seen you – spied on you – how do you do that? How do you make him believe you every single word you say? How do you – ”, he looked back at him, “Control your eyes?”
“I know you did. And, it is a talent I inherited from my mother, which I learnt to refine.”
“It’s scary, when you do that. It’s like you care as little as he does. It’s like you are – as evil as him.”
“But you know I am not.”
“I do. Still it’s – how can you live with that? How can you always swallow everything down like this?”
“What makes you think I can? What makes you think, I am less human than you are?”
“So how can you do that? What drives you?”
“Something very complex.”
“That is?”, Draco begged as if the answer could be the solution to all his problems.
“And you are as much a good spy as your son is, Lucius.”, Draco’s head turned to the open door, where his father had walked in after the call.
“I didn’t mean to disturb you – ”, he spoke quietly, his voice broken. “I – just wanted to ask – are you going to – stay with us?”
“Quite certainly, yes. But I will leave you for the course of the chase.”
“Of course.”
“I will be back latest for breakfast. Is there anything you need?”
“N-no. I – this place is wonderful.”, a sad, rather forced smile flashed over his lips. “A little small – but at least not as empty as our manor. And – not as tight – as Azkaban.”, he let out a strange chuckle, probably meaning to cheer himself up. “I’ll be – downstairs then.”, he shakily pointed over his shoulder and walked away.
“Can you teach me how to?”, Draco said after the footsteps had deadened.
“How to what? How to control yourself? That is nothing that can be taught, Draco. You are a fantastic Occlumens. But as long as your mind cannot catch hold of your body on its own, I fear there is nothing I can do for you. I can’t ask that much of you. I can not – endorse your will to become like me.”, he saw an entire city of hope collapsing behind the boy’s eyes. “All I can do is to protect you from him as much as possible. The rest is your life and you’d be well advised not to decide following in my footsteps. Keep your innocence as long as possible, Draco.”
~~#~~
Not believing his eyes when he found them sitting around the fire in an almost dark room again, staring into the flames, he carelessly threw his old broom into the corner, making all three of them jump in their armchairs.
“My goodness – you are back already?”, Narcissa was astonished. “How did it go? What happened? We – they – felt he was – outraged – does that mean, the boy could escape?”
“Yes. He could escape.”
“Who died?”
“Draco – ”, his father gasped.
“Montgomery and Trolls got hit by Killing Curses, Orkney lost her wand when she was stunned and apparently fell into death. Many are badly wounded. I don’t know whether Arbinian will survive the night.”
“And – from the Order?”, urged Draco.
“I – ”, he took a deep breath, “Accidentally slashed George Weasley’s ear and the Lord himself – granted Alastor Moody a new start.”, there was a long silence, owned by the crackling of the fire.
“Mad-Eye Moody’s dead?”, Draco swallowed.
“Yes, even a great fighter’s life can come to an end.”, they looked each other straight in the eyes before Draco slipped back into his chair, staring at the fire.
“Draco.”, his mother whispered, but he refused to take his eyes off the flames.
“Draco – ”, Lucius started again, though his son jumped up and hurried upstairs, slamming the door of his new room.
“Lucius don’t – ”, Narcissa raised her hand, however, he had already pushed himself up – only to find himself held back by Severus’ firm hand on the arm.
“I will handle that.”, he said softly.
“But I’m his – ”
“Sometimes there are things none of us wants to talk about with their parents.”, Lucius just nodded awkwardly when Severus gave his shoulder a gentle pat.
“About an hour ago – ”, he stopped him at the stairs, “He made a Patronus.”, Severus frowned back. “Just – out of mood – it – wasn’t much more than light, but he did it non-verbally. I could have sworn to see some shape for a split second, but maybe I was just – amazed.”, he chuckled in his very dull way he used to these days. “I thought you should know.”
“Thank you. Go to bed. Both of you. Good night.”
Almost silent he hurried upstairs, but knocked at the door before he entered. The decrescent half moon shone through the travelling clouds every now and then, plunging the dark room in a gloomy blue light. His shoes stood next to the bed on which Draco himself laid fully dressed and as straight as an ebony mast, his pale head and hands nearly melting with the white pillow and blanket. The breeze from the lake blew the curtains in, making them look like greenish spectres trying to escape the room, but eventually failing at the windows.
Severus closed the door behind, went to his bed, took off the cloak and folded it evenly. The same he did with his black robe. Suddenly the light on Draco’s nightstand went on. He turned about and saw the boy pointing the wand in his left hand at the lamp, his face still on the ceiling though.
“In case you need it.”, he mumbled, but Severus said nothing. “Do you need it?”
“You need it.”
“That’s not an answer.”
“It is and you know it is the truth.”
“Why?”, Draco moaned when Severus unbuttoned his shirt. “Why?”, he was already folding it. “Why does – his – ”
“Because you are not a monster, Draco.”, he said calm, turned to the boy and threw the lavallière carelessly onto the bed. “Because you are human.”
“I don’t want to be human.”, Draco turned his head to the ceiling once more when Severus made the three necessary steps to sit down at his side.
“Never.”, he whispered. “Never, ever, say that again, Draco. Never, you hear me?”, he wrapped his fingers around the hand clutching the wand, causing him to look up. “You are not a monster. You are as much human as I am and that is not a crime. Crying because of somebody’s death is not a crime. It is as normal as the need for a toilet when you drank too much. It is as necessary as going to sleep after a long and exhausting day. It is as important as breathing. Eating up your emotions, will shoot holes into your heart and you know from experience what it feels like to be close to dying.”
“So why can you?”
“I can’t. I can only suppress it for some time, but I can’t swallow it down and forget it. Not such things. An unforeseen death is never pleasant. The only fairly pleasant death may be a desired one and still it can be hell to those who remain alive. It is no sin to cry and if I have to throw one of the house tables at his face to make him feel at least a tiny part of that pain a loving heart can suffer from.”, a little smirk appeared on Draco’s lips. “Alastor Moody was a great man and he fought for something that is worth fighting for. It is no sign of weakness to mourn for people like him. It is a sign of recognition. And it is a wonderful tribute to him if even those considered to be his enemies, are touched by his sudden absence from this life. Cry for him as much as you feel like. I will not stop you.”, thick tears trickled from Draco’s eyes, his lips trembling as he pressed them shut. “I have watched you all the time when you were unpacking.”, the boy gasped, nearly choking.
“Y-you – ”
“You are not a bad person, Draco. You just have seen rarely any beauty in your life. But unlike Tom Riddle, you are loved.”
“Who?”
“The Dark Lord.”, Severus said calm.
“Damn. I tend to forget he was born to a pair of actual people.”
“Certainly. He does his best for everyone to never consider the possibility. But, as I said, as opposed to him, you have ever been loved. Someone who has never experienced love, will also never be able to give it and that is sad. I feel sad for him. I started this with the will to end all that suffering and pain he causes, but over the most recent years, I have come to acknowledge that it is actually he who suffers, without noticing it. I want to end his suffering, for the welfare of all.”
“Why? W-what – m-makes y-you?”
“I. It is me who has given him a reason then, not aware what it would cause. I was so eager to bring him down that I did not think of the consequences. And now, a boy runs around out there, branded by him as his match – rescued by his mother’s love – and doomed to be the only one with the abilities to end it. You know that, Draco. You know it is the truth. And I know that you don’t hate him. Yes, you did, but those times are long gone. You hated him because of the attitude your father had taught you. You hated him in a time of peace. But now, in a time of hurt, of darkness and suffering, you had to admit that you couldn’t care less for what has been.”, Draco just gazed at the pouch and jewellery hanging in front of his bare chest. “Now that you have seen what actually counts in life, you hate yourself instead. That is only natural.”
Severus let go of Draco’s hand and opened the shrunken pouch, waving out a flask and a cup. He gave the cup another wave and slipped four drops of the potion into the clear water before he stored the flask again and gently placed the cup on Draco’s nightstand. Then he went back to his bed and continued undressing, throwing his underpants and socks into the basket that had already stood in the wardrobe in his bedroom at Hogwarts. Draco sat up and watched him putting on Oxford blue pyjamas. Severus placed the neatly folded pile of clothes on the basket’s lid and sat down, shoving his wand under the pillow.
“What do you do?”
“Keeping it safe.”
“I didn’t mean that.”
“What then?”
“Sports, I mean. You – obviously work out a little.”
“I wouldn’t call it like this,”, Severus sighed, “But I go swimming every now and then, do a lot of walking due to my night shifts, also walk around on the castle grounds if I feel the need to – and I climb.”
“Climb?”, Draco chuckled, wiped away his tears and pulled off his jacket. “What do you climb?”
“Trees – rocks – walls – merely and simply, things that can be climbed.”
“Walls?”, Draco chuckled again. “Not the walls of Hogwarts?”
“Are there any other walls you can find on the school grounds?”
“The- hey! That’s one nasty reply,”, he murmured and got up so he could undress properly as well.
“I thought, you have gotten used to such.”
“I – ”, he wanted to protest but decided to rather change his clothes as quick as possible.
“You will find that your mother has already put your toiletries in the bathroom. In case you need something, I am there.”
He stood up and left Draco alone, but not even half through brushing his teeth, the boy stood behind him, looking at their reflections. Severus stepped left so he could join him. When he bent over the sink, Draco’s eyes got stuck at his toothpaste. For example, I smell – freshly mown grass and – new parchment and – spearmint – toothpaste. He thought he was going mad. Had this small, meaningless, barely audible mumbled confession of hers actually got caught somewhere in the deepest convolutions of his brain and remained hidden there for such a long time? Hermione Granger was attracted to – spearmint toothpaste? And there it st- had stood. He had put it back into his pouch.
Raising an eyebrow, Severus studied the boy’s bewildered face, Draco only looking at him with his eyes, the face straight at the mirror. A trail of saliva and his own toothpaste ran from the left corner of his mouth.
“You – are leaking.”, Severus noted with a bored murmur.
At an instant, Draco spluttered the mirror and basin, but mostly the mirror as he had failed to dive down in due time. Blushing heavily, he coughed into the white ceramic sink. He felt a gentle hand on his back, making him flush even more, choking.
“Just spit it out.”, Severus sighed. “If you need help, give me a sign before you faint.”
“Sorry.”, Draco aspirate with a gargle. “I dunno what – ”
“Why you were so evidently amazed by my toothpaste tube? Yes, I have heard people reporting on a strange, striking sensation emitting from such objects.”, Draco’s eyes gaped, still down where he was, trying to clear his mouth with water. “Normally I make it myself, but I felt the need for a try on that Muggle stuff, just in case I could discover some useful development. In short, I was lazy. Can you breathe?”
“Yes.”, Draco came back up, contorting his face at the sight of the mess he had made.
“Don’t worry about that.”, the mirror, tiles and basin cleaned at a wave of Severus’ hand.
Draco swallowed another time and went back to their bedroom. He was already in his bed when Severus closed the door behind and walked towards his own.
“What does it depend on?”, Draco whispered, lying flat on his back once more, the blanket pulled up to his shoulders. “Sometimes you do simple magic with your wand and then you just use your hand. And then, you even deflect magic with your bare hands.”
“It is a matter of my mood.”, sighed Severus and crawled under his blanket, looking over to the boy. “And sometimes depending on the precise circumstances, as you might be able to guess. Your father told me that you managed to conjure a Patronus tonight.”
“Thought he’d be ostentatious about it.”
“No. He only mentioned it. But I won’t deny having seen pride in his eyes.”
“Tz.”
“Yes, he is proud of you, Draco. He is proud that you are not a bad person. Better accept that.”, the boy let out a grunt. “You can leave the light on, if you want.”
“Why should I – ”
“If you need another blanket, you just say. I can also close the windows, if it is too cold for you.”
“I’m fine, thanks.”, Draco huffed and gave the lamp a flick.
“In case you have forgotten – ”
“I know. I can drink that stuff.”
“Should you – ”
“Stop mothering me, alright?”, his head rushed towards Severus, cast in soft bluish light.
“I am not mothering you. I care for your welfare, Draco. That is all.”, the boy only nodded slackly and rolled over, face on the wall. “Good night.”, silence for some seconds.
“Goodnight.”
~~#~~